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Alan’s View

February 2009

ASD Picks: 3 Gems of Clever Nonsense

All of us at Night+Day pride ourselves on providing readers with incredibly useful information and extraordinary insights, but deep down I am attracted to clever nonsense. Not the stuff thrown our way by most politicians, or biodynamic wine advocates, or even sports commentators. I’m talking about those gems that are both fun (or funny) and make you think. (My favorite playwright is the master of the genre, Tom Stoppard.)

Last month a friend called to my attention the Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational, in which readers take a word, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and then supply a new definition. How could a fan of clever nonsense have missed this all these years?  So, for this month’s Picks, instead of a travel insight, let me provide you with a chuckle with three of my favorites from this year’s MI winners:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Karmageddon: It’s when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes and it’s a serious bummer.

3. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness. (Look for Night+Day to start using this one!)

On the Road: The Big Island of Hawai’i

Even dyed-in-the-wool urbanistas need to take a break every once in a while, and I have found no better beach destination in which to chill—perhaps a bad word choice since the weather varies year-round between near-perfect and perfect—than the Kohala Coast on the western side of the Big Island. Of course, the case is especially compelling for residents on the left side of the US, for whom the trans-Pacific flight of four to six hours, depending on wind and direction, is considered a hop, skip, and jump these days. With so-called “2009 prices” hitting both airfares and hotels, the Hawai’i experience is now more affordable than any time in recent memory.

At the risk of sounding like a pr flak, The Big Island (which is not Oahu, where you’ll find Honolulu, but actually the island of Hawai’i, which gets confused with the state name) has a unique combination of compelling features, including ease of use, a spiritual core, and lava. The provincial airport (no jetways) of Kailua Keahole

Kona International (KOA) allows for quick baggage claim and car rental (Mustang or Sebring convertibles are standard issue). Coming out of the airport, turn left (north) onto the one main road (highway) and travel 15 minutes to the Four Seasons Hualalai, 30 minutes to the Mauna Lani Bay and Fairmont Orchid hotels, or 45 minutes to the Hapuna Prince and recently refurbished Mauna Kea (official re-opening is in March). These are all deluxe hotels with the requisite amenities, including beautiful beaches, golf courses (with world-famous water holes), tennis, spas, and gourmet restaurants.

Fresh fish, usually presented in California or fusion style, is the mainstay of fine dining. The three restaurants I go back to time and again are Brown’s at the Fairmont, Roy’s, and Tommy Bahama’s Tropical Cafe (I kid you not). Brown’s is the quintessential Hawaiian dining experience, with outdoor seating overlooking the ocean. It may be psychological, but the Roy’s here just seems better than the ones you’ll find in San Francisco, Los Angeles, or Plano, Texas. Tommy Bahama’s, in the Mauna Lani shopping center, provides good food (an alternative to Hawaiian fare) and mood—it captures the laid-back vacation spirit. The recently opened Mantra & Pavilion Wine Bar at Mauna Kea adds a new dimension to Big Island gourmet dining with a focus on wine. There’s not only a great bottle list, but also dozens of wines on offer by the glass or even the taste.

The main attraction on the Big Island is Hawai’i Volcanoes National Park, where you can get up close and personal with the active Kilauea Volcano. Along with Mauna Loa, these volcanoes provide the island with plenty of black lava, which results in stunning landscapes, especially against the golf courses’ green and the ocean’s blue.

There are three free events worth noting. On Saturday mornings at the small Waimea Farmers Market (prime time is 9 a.m.) you’ll get a hug with your fudge and a chance to check out organic produce and beautiful orchids. Be prepared for a change of climate, as Waimea is about 15 minutes northeast of Mauna Kea and 2700 feet up, where it is cooler and wetter.

On Mondays and Fridays there’s a 30-minute, somewhat kitschy hula show at the Mauna Lani shopping center that actually provides some interesting history and is fun. With shows at 7pm and 8pm, it’s perfect for a pre-Tommy Bahama’s dinner.

	But if you can plan your trip accordingly, the best thing happening on the Big Island is Danny Akaka’s Talk Story (officially Twilight at Kalahuipua’a), a monthly event on the Saturday closest to the full moon. A few hundred people show up with picnic baskets at the Mauna Lani Hotel’s oceanfront Eva Parker Woods Cottage (contact the hotel for directions)
at 5:30-ish to watch Danny, a cultural historian and spiritual voice, his gentle wife Anna, who dances the hula, and guests who perform both Hawaiian and pop entertain for three hours.

Nightlife is all but non-existent. Occasionally the Fairmont Orchid will bring in a good performer to make their bar, which is attractive but quiet, more fun. Some people recommend going into Kona, the main town, but I don’t think it’s worth the drive. No, this is the place to give it all a rest. Buy yourself an IZ (Israel Kamakawiwo?ole, the late, and beloved, local singer who took ownership of Over the Rainbow away from Judy Garland) CD, read a book, and prepare yourself to take on another Night+Day cool city when your vacation is over. Aloha.

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Last Word: Is It Too Late To Complain About TV?

I cannot stand The Office. Not that I’ve actually ever watched the program. But it seems to be the television show of choice on United Airlines, the airline I frequent most. And so, without having anything to say about it, my brain is blasted with episodes of this program while I am trying to read, work, talk, or simply relax listening to music. Perhaps because I don’t watch much television at home I haven’t developed the skill of ignoring the tube in public places. Still, I can’t figure out who does watch these shows on airplanes—anyone who likes the program has probably seen it already at home. So why do airlines punish us this way? Advertising? To get us to upgrade to first class?

A more serious threat to the travel experience than what is happening on airlines is what is happening to restaurants and bars. Has anyone else noticed that it is harder and harder to have a drink, or even dinner, and not be interrupted by television? This is, of course, in part due to the trend of combining a bar scene with a restaurant scene—but this positive development is moving into negative territory as televisions have become presumably necessary fixtures of bar décor. There I am, in this great restaurant enjoying a wonderful meal with my wife and friends, and occupying one half of my left eye is Tiger Woods. I think Tiger is terrific, but at that moment I don’t want to be having dinner with him. (And by the way, I’d feel the same way if it were the NewsHour with Jim Lehrer.) How did this happen? I blame it either on men running out of pickup lines or getting too old to play sports.

On Super Bowl Sunday I was sitting on the beach in Hawai’i reading a New York Times article by Bryan Curtis on “The National Pastime(s).”  The piece describes the debate over whether football, baseball, or basketball can lay claim to being America’s favorite, but whichever reigns supreme, the numbers are astounding, as Curtis reveals that “The 17 most-watched programs in TV history have all been Super Bowl games.”  Football revenue of $7 billion, baseball $6 billion. It just hadn’t occurred to me until that afternoon that we have gone from being social animals (as in “seeking or enjoying the companionship of others”) to sports-watching animals. Playing sports is one thing–and interestingly enough, basketball is the sport most Americans play–but watching sports doesn’t seem to me to help one’s body, mind, or spirit very much.

Of course, the problem isn’t limited to the US. French cafes are reportedly introducing TVs so that you can have your croissant and espresso while watching a football match. What would Sartre have said?  Mon Dieu!  The French may have been too quick to show only disdain for the American notion of a cafe (Starbucks), where people are either in-and-out or in cyberspace. Well, at least the Internet engages the mind.

I have to admit to having found a television to watch and enjoy the end of the truly amazing Super Bowl XLIII. Nonetheless, I am certain we would all be better off if we turned those bar TVs off. I’d even go so far as to say that if we can send a man to the moon we could, like cigarettes, ban television in public places. OK, how ‘bout just limiting TV to sports bars?

Well, if the New York Times article is correct, I’ve just pissed off 92% of the population. Not bad.

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